From Victim to Victory: My Story

I was 10 years old. My parents were divorced, and I spent every other weekend at my Father’s house. Money was always tight, so he had a roommate to help him cover the mortgage payments. My sister and I spent the summers there swimming in the pool, playing with the neighborhood kids, and riding our bikes. We were so tired after long days spent in the summer sun, we would often fall asleep on the couch. It was one night, on this couch, when my father’s roommate sexually molested me.

My small ten-year-old self was very confused about what had happened. I knew it wasn’t right but I didn’t know what to do. Would anyone believe me? What if it happens again? What if it was somehow my fault? Should I just pretend it never happened?

But a small voice inside couldn’t let it go. The first person I told was one of my sisters. And I was shocked when she responded: “me too.” OK, so it was real. This was happening. I’m not alone.

Next, we told a neighborhood friend, this man’s niece, and she also said: “me too.” We knew we had to tell an adult, so we told our parents, who confronted the man and called the police.

We were victims of a horrible act by a broken man. He stole something from each of us that we would never get back. I spent a lot of my early teen years wondering if I could’ve done anything differently, said anything different, done more to defend myself. And thus began a cycle of self-doubt. I began to mistrust adult men, and lived in fear of something like this happening again, or something even worse. I was almost swallowed up whole by nightmares and fear, as I tried to shove everything I was feeling down and strive for outward perfection. I wore a smile on the outside, but inside I was secretly drowning.

It was here in my brokenness where I met God for the first time. He grabbed ahold of my heart and rescued me out of the darkness I had been living in. He adopted me into His family and called me His beloved daughter. Through prayer, inner healing, and counseling His love began to soften all the hard places in my heart. I forgave the man who harmed me, releasing myself from the bondage that comes from un-forgiveness. It didn’t mean that what happened was ok, but it meant that I was set free from the pain of the past and able to live in peace. My life was not defined by this act, nor did I need to live in torment over it for the rest of my life. It changed me from victim to victory. I was free.

This is also the part of my story where I learned that my voice mattered. That in my vulnerability and courage in telling others, I created an opportunity for them to share what happened to them. As I shared my story, they shared theirs, as our resounding “me too’s” showed us we weren’t alone. Had I kept quiet and pretended it never happened, this man may never have been brought to justice.

And I tell you this today for the same reason. I know that many of you share similar stories. I know many of you have been abused, molested, raped, assaulted, or hurt in some way. And I am here to tell you that your story matters. I am here to tell you that freedom is possible. I am here to tell you that you are no longer a victim, but that in Christ, you are victorious. To tell you that you don’t have to strive for victory, but that you get to live from victory, knowing that the battle has already been won. I am here to tell you that hurt people, hurt people. But healed people can heal people. Freed people can free people. Loved people can love people.

So my prayer is that today you will walk in victory. That you would grow roots deep down into the love that God has for you, and allow it to transform your life from the inside out.

“I am no victim,

I live with a vision,

I’m covered by the force of love,

Covered in my saviors blood.”

-Kristene DiMarco “I Am No Victim”

From my heart to yours ♥

Monika