Meet Shelly. She is the picture of perfection: tanned, toned, lovely, poised. She breezes through her life with ease and grace, loved by all. Her wardrobe is impeccable, her smile contagious, her life flawless. She never yells at her children or eats one too many chocolates—she has endless patience and her cup runneth over. She is wise, charming, nurturing, and undoubtedly a super mom and wife.
Read MoreI have learned the hard way that you can get into dangerous territory when you expect your spouse to be everything for you. The load will be too heavy to bear and will only lead to disappointment and discord.
Ruth Graham says, “It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife.”
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I threw my hands up in defeat and stormed up the stairs, letting my feet hit each step louder than necessary. We seemed to be caught in a loop, having the same petty arguments again and again. Why can’t he just see my side of things?
Stubborn. That’s what I was.
I was determined to prove my point, make my case, and have him agree that I was right. But now, looking back, I can see that my selfish need to be right—was just plain wrong.
We all have this desire within us to be “right.” We believe that our way is the best way and our perspective is the correct one. This creates so many relational hiccups in our lives as we suddenly have to balance our perspective with someone else's.
What I’ve learned the hard way is that at some point we must ask ourselves, “do I want to be right? Or do I want to be in right relationship?”
Pursuing right relationship with one another will require us to die to our flesh, squash our ego, and silence our pride.
How do we do that? Humility.
Ephesians 4:2 tells us, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” As we humble ourselves before God and one another, we lay down our stubborn pride. This humility will give us new eyes and a fresh perspective to see one another more clearly. It enables us to see our obstacles or conflicts from a kingdom perspective, and it allows us to push past pride and into partnership.
C.S. Lewis says, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” When we lay down our pride and humble ourselves, we become less consumed by self. When we are outward-focused it’s easier to soften our hearts and extend some much needed compassion and grace to one another.
So we choose grace in the midst of disagreement. Grace in the midst of different perspectives. Grace in the midst of heartache.
“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” (Colossians 3:12 NIV) We must strive to adorn ourselves each day, moment to moment, with these holy attributes. And as impossible as that may seem, we praise God that we don’t have to do it alone. God has sent his Holy Spirit to live in us and be our helper (John 14:26). His Spirit empowers us and enables us to live this out in our relationships. It brings humility to our pride, patience to our irritability, and compassion and kindness to our anger.
So the next time we want to stomp away in stubborn hostility, may we choose instead to humble ourselves and see through the lens of grace, extending to others the same grace that Jesus first extended to us.
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I stood in the checkout lane at Costco, my cart filled with the items I needed for the next week or two. The line wasn’t too long, just what you would expect on a normal Wednesday afternoon.
Little did I know that would be the last “normal” shopping experience for a while. The very next day the President held a press conference on the coronavirus that would send the nation into a panic.
Read MoreA few years ago I was preparing to speak at my church for the first time. The week leading up to that Sunday, anxiety began to creep into my heart & mind. I had every excuse in the world to cancel: my kids were sick, we were in the middle of moving, and I hadn’t had much sleep.
