Keep Calm And Mom On: 5 Practical Parenting Tips

Last week I found myself home for over 10 hours straight with three kids 5 and under, and no breaks. It was exhausting and depleting, but at the end of the day I was grateful. Grateful for my tiny humans, but also grateful for motherhood and all the little things I’ve learned along the way! 

I’d love to say that motherhood and being a stay-at-home mom comes naturally to me, and that I breeze through the day with ease and even-temperament—but that is simply not the case. I have to work very hard to stay calm, to find joy, to practice contentment, to not lose my cool, and to be the kind of mother I want to be. 

Some days I do better than others. 

So if that’s you too: you are not alone! This motherhood gig is hard, hard work. Even as I write this there is a massive fight breaking out between my 5 & 3 year old over a coloring book. Hold, please. 

Annnnd I’m back. Ok. So in the last five years as a mom I’ve read many parenting books & blogs and talked to many older, wiser moms. I’m no sage expert but I wanted to share what helps me to keep calm & mom on amidst the chaos and meltdowns. Practical parenting tips that have helped me so much on my motherhood journey! I offer this not because I have it all figured out, but as a fellow mom friend just learning as I go!

It’s not about being a “perfect mom,” as that does not exist, but rather continually learning and working and growing so that I can be the best mom I can be.

1. You control YOU

Try as we might to control other people, we simply cannot. Our anger and frustration lies in the fact that our tiny humans are not doing what we want or behaving how we want them to. But if we focus on what we can control (hint: OURSELVES) than we will be better prepared to handle the chaos. The biggest way to teach our children self-control is to model it for them. How can we teach them not to meltdown when we ourselves are flying off the handle? 

We must first control ourselves and regulate our own emotions so that we can help our children do the same. Here’s something that helps me: pause before reacting. When we are quick to react and respond our emotions typically run the show. I often pause, breathe, and declare that I will respond with grace and love (sometimes love looks like discipline). 

Another thing that really helps me is to have a few key phrases to respond with during meltdowns, to help me not lose my cool and say something I may regret. A few I use are “oh that’s a bummer” and “I know that must be so hard” when they don’t get their way. These helpful phrases are borrowed from Danny Silk’s book “Loving Your Kids On Purpose.” Or when your kids inevitably ask 100+ times for something you’ve said “no” to, I respond (over and over and over with) “asked & answered.” Having these simple phrases help me control my frustration and try to avoid yelling (which I fail at often, but I’m trying). 

2. Value Connection 

Whether you work or stay home, cultivating a strong connection with your children is so important. I’m convinced all children’s love language is quality time. It’s easy to go through your day jumping from one thing to the next and not intentionally connecting with your child. I do what we call “mommy time.” They get to choose what we do together (usually coloring, playing pretend, having a tea party/etc). During “mommy time” I put my phone and other things away and give them my full, undivided attention. I find when my kids are whinier than usual or having meltdowns over little things, they really need to connect. This also helps me when I have other things going on—I can simply say “I can’t wait to have mommy time with you in a little bit, but right now mommy is trying to finish the dishes.” This gives them something to look forward to and they usually give me the time I need to finish what I’m doing. 

Take time to affirm your children and tell them what you love about them. If they’re struggling to listen, remind them that they are good boy/girl and a good listener and they will be encouraged to be who you believe them to be! Speak life and love over them! 

Another key to connection is to remember to enjoy your children and have fun with them! Do things you love with them. Laugh. Play. Embrace your inner child! Be silly together! When I’m in a bad mood and struggling with the kids, it really helps me to laugh with them. Laughter helps diffuse many ‘a situations! 

Connecting during a meltdown is also important. My three year old, Cora, is fierce. That girl gives me a run for my money. When she’s having a meltdown, I get down on her level and look her in the eyes, try to empathize (which is not the same as giving in!), and give her a big hug. We’ll take some deep breaths together, and I’ll give her choices. Which brings us to our next point…

3. Give Choices

 We use choices quite a bit in our parenting, and it really helps us with our girls. It helps to empower them but also teach them what is allowed and what is not. I will say as a disclaimer that there are certain situations where we do not give choices. There are some things we simply don’t do that have consequences. 

Two of the choice from Danny Silk’s book I use are “fun or room.” As in, you can be fun and have a nice attitude, or you can choose to go to your room. Your choice. Another one I frequently use is, “you can walk or I will carry you.” I use this a lot if the girls fight me on leaving the park: “it’s time to go, would you like to walk to the car or do I need to carry you?” Having a plan and using choices helps me to stay calm as a mom and not get “short” with my children. Though again, focus on progress, not perfection! 

4. Consistency is key

Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say no, but then give in after your child whines incessantly (I can’t be the only one guilty of this?!) it teaches them that they can get what they want by pitching a fit. This part is.so.hard. But our kids need to know that we keep our word. 

5. Redemption

One morning was so rough with the kids I literally screamed into a pillow and got on my hands & knees and PRAYED like never before. I’m so grateful I don’t have to parent according to my own strength, but can rely on HIM to give me the grace & strength I need as a mother. In this moment God spoke to my spirit, “don’t let the bad moments become a bad day.” If a day was going south, I used to just give up and decided it was just a crappy day and “better luck tomorrow!” 

But now, I actively choose to redeem the day. I don’t want to let the bad moments become a bad day. So I started doing this thing with the girls where I say “girls, can we turn this day around?” And they always agree. And so (sorry if this is cheesy!) we count down “3-2-1” and we all giggle and smile and decide to change our attitudes and make it a good day. The girls love this so much that sometimes after a rough morning, Eveleigh (my 5 year old) will cry and say, “mom I think we need to turn this day around!” I love that they will grow up knowing that they are able to choose joy and shift the atmosphere, knowing they have the power to choose to redeem the day and give it a fresh start!

So mama, whoever and wherever you are,  I hope this helps you keep calm and mom on. I hope you know that there is so much grace on the days you totally blow it as a parent! May we see those moments as opportunities to ask for forgiveness from our children and teach them the power of humility.

I hope you know it’s never too late to start trying, and that you have everything you need to parent well! God picked YOU to raise these tiny humans, and He doesn’t make mistakes. 

You’ve got this!